Alcohaulics Autonomous!
Our Credo:
1. Avoid “social drinking ”. Social drinking leads to trying to cover up one ’s more, how shall I say, “assertive ”drinking habits. Do seek the company of other assertive drinkers, for that builds self-esteem and a greater sense of self worth, and community.
*For more information, read Bukowski.
2. Admit that your body simply lacks the necessary alcohol it requires. Understand that you are a “Lack-aholic ”.
3. When given the option of doing something productive or getting loaded, make the wise choice, alcohol.
4. Always put alcohol first and prioritize your day around it. Don ’t let anyone or anything interfere with the consumption of your RDA (Required Daily Alcohol) intake. Be cautious not to allow too much blood to defile your alcohol stream! This could result in a Lack-aholic fit.
5. Remember, nobody loves you like BOOZE loves you!
6. When visiting any market that sells the holy substance, pay homage to the booze aisle. As you pass through the shelves, you shall sing out the song, “Almost Paradise ”with utmost passion, or at least whisper under your breath, “I honor you, most gracious Liquor Aisle. ”When in the holy temple of a liquor store, both hands will be thrust into the air in exaltation, and thy body be spun around.
7. Never let your resources fall too low. At least a fifth should be kept on hand at all times, proportionately more if expecting any guests.
(warning: see rule #1)
What? Only 7 steps? Were you expecting a full 12 step program? Remember: Alcohol, it ’s not a choice, it ’s a lifestyle! “Let Go, Let Liquor! ”
©nieland, 2001
Our Credo:
1. Avoid “social drinking ”. Social drinking leads to trying to cover up one ’s more, how shall I say, “assertive ”drinking habits. Do seek the company of other assertive drinkers, for that builds self-esteem and a greater sense of self worth, and community.
*For more information, read Bukowski.
2. Admit that your body simply lacks the necessary alcohol it requires. Understand that you are a “Lack-aholic ”.
3. When given the option of doing something productive or getting loaded, make the wise choice, alcohol.
4. Always put alcohol first and prioritize your day around it. Don ’t let anyone or anything interfere with the consumption of your RDA (Required Daily Alcohol) intake. Be cautious not to allow too much blood to defile your alcohol stream! This could result in a Lack-aholic fit.
5. Remember, nobody loves you like BOOZE loves you!
6. When visiting any market that sells the holy substance, pay homage to the booze aisle. As you pass through the shelves, you shall sing out the song, “Almost Paradise ”with utmost passion, or at least whisper under your breath, “I honor you, most gracious Liquor Aisle. ”When in the holy temple of a liquor store, both hands will be thrust into the air in exaltation, and thy body be spun around.
7. Never let your resources fall too low. At least a fifth should be kept on hand at all times, proportionately more if expecting any guests.
(warning: see rule #1)
What? Only 7 steps? Were you expecting a full 12 step program? Remember: Alcohol, it ’s not a choice, it ’s a lifestyle! “Let Go, Let Liquor! ”
©nieland, 2001
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SF Bay Area
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